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Lost at Peter Bottom
The Perils of Heavy Thinking
A Collection of Humorous Shorts
by Russell Gayer
Meet the man Dave Barry called "My idol."
- Have you ever wondered what it was like to watch one of your children run for President?
- Do you, or someone you love, suffer from an addiction to donuts?
- Has an inept plumber ever escalated matters from bad to worse at your home?
- Do you dream of writing the world's greatest "How to" book, but don't know where to start?
- Is it possible for a common layperson (who barely made passing grades in science) to discover
a previously unknown medical syndrome?
If you answered Yes, No, or Maybe to any of these questions, this is the book for you. This collection
of hilarious short stories and essays will take you on a wild ride from medical mishaps, to failing
fishermen, GPS goofballs, and painful politicians. Along the way you'll meet people who talk too much,
think too much, and eat too many deep-fried, sugar-coated pastries.
Pull up a comfortable chair and learn the secrets of mediocrity from the Master of Laziness and
Procrastination. He'll teach you how not to skin a skunk, why Classic is better than old, and who to
blame when items around your home come up missing. Meet Rachel Crofton, creator of the revolutionary
new diet, The Food Triangle. Get in on the secrets of how to properly select and care for peeves as
pets. Discover what you should expect your teenage daughter to learn in Driver's Ed, and how to cope
with pressure of a mother in-law named Cruella.
This book may not cure all the world's problems, but it is guaranteed to provide hours of stress-free
entertainment and laugh out loud moments. Even the most irritable funny bones will be tickled with delight.
Praise for The Perils of Heavy Thinking
Better then Prozac!
The Perils of Heavy Thinking is a treat for lovers of wry humor and quirky anecdotes. Russell
Gayer's comedic look at everyday life events is a joy to read and an instant mood booster. If
you or someone you know can use a break from the constant drum of bad news from CNN; then you
owe it to yourself to get a copy of this humorous book and smile for awhile.
~ Adam H. DeFrancesco
This guy is upside down funny
As a fan of Dave Barry, I can attest that this book is one of the funniest since the last Barry
book came out. Gayer has a warped sense humor such as I've never known. He can take the most
ordinary situation and turn it upside down funny until the reader has to laugh. I thoroughly
enjoyed the book. If you need a lift, give it a try, or even if you don't, it will still make
your day brighter.
~ Velda Brotherton
Uplifting to the spirit!
I bought my copy of Heavy Thinking and found it was a much needed uplift to my spirit! The
book is easy to read and written in a tongue and cheek manner that will have you laughing
in no time. Be careful where you read it as you will find yourself chuckling while identifying
with one of the characters in the book, prompting those around you to stare in a peculiar
manner as they try to get a glimpse of the title.
~ By "Amazon Customer"
Ok, so I started reading last night. I read the forward, the bookmark (great idea) and determined
I was not going to laugh out loud. No drinks out the nose, but LOVE it!! I laughed out loud.
~ Deb Bonner
I got your book yesterday and have been laughing and reading, reading and laughing ever since.
And frankly, Russell, I'm in awe. Aside from being one of the most satisfyingly funny books
I've read in just about ever, I gotta say, you're writing is tighter than Kim Novak's face.
I am so happy to have a signed copy of the Special Author's Edition (and thank you so much for
that!) because I predict it will be worth something someday (especially if Kim Novak gets
another face lift). When I'm done enjoying it, The Perils of Heavy Thinking by Russell Gayer
will take it's rightful place on the hallowed shelf I dedicate to my collection of Robert Benchley books.
Okay, I'm going to get back to reading now . . . .
~ Linda, California
Russell Gayer's The Perils of Heavy Thinking is a laugh-out-loud, honk-like-a-goose, and
snort-through-your-nose kind of book. To describe Gayer as a sick puppy or certifiable is to not do him justice. This
is, after all, the man Dave Barry once casually – and incautiously – referred to as his "idol."
And that's the truth – I was there when poor Mr. Barry, no neophyte when it comes to lunacy himself,
said so. All in all, it's safe to say that The Perils of Heavy Thinking is a comic blast of a book –
but be forewarned: you read it at the risk of your own sanity!
~ J. B. Hogan, author of Angels in the Ozarks
The tom-thievery in our neighborhood began several years ago, about the time my father
started displaying early signs of dementia. Dad, who lived in the next house up the road,
noticed a pair of rubber boots was missing. Three minutes and one phone call later, my
wife, Connie, and I were enlisted to join the search-and-rescue squad. We spent hours
combing hazardous terrain, fighting brutal cobwebs and a relentless army of dust bunnies.
The boots could not be found.
My sweet and naíve mother, who always thought the best of everyone, insisted the boots
were merely misplaced and would eventually turn up. Dad was livid.
"Hell, no! They were stolen."
The thief had no need for guns, tools, electronics, or precious gems that might weigh him
down. No! He had been coveting a used pair of size nine rubber boots for some time,
lying in wait for the right moment to sweep down and snatch them for his own. Dad could
just picture some guy stomping down the driveway, pant legs tucked in the boots,
grinning like he'd won the lottery.
Like Benjamin Franklin, Russell Gayer spent most of his adult life in the printing industry,
except for three years in which he was a framing carpenter, honing skills that his wife, Connie,
has made sure come in handy ever since. Unlike Franklin, he has not made any major discoveries
(other than Home Project Shock Syndrome), invented anything significant, or made lasting
contributions for the betterment of his fellow man. Until this book, that is.
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