For those three of you who saw my first post and tried to comment, my apologies. The software didn’t work (NO! Say it ain’t so, Duke!) and I had to change things. So, here we go, Round 2!

I wanted to follow up the idea of people-watching. People are just fascinating. They make my life interesting (Old Chinese curse: May you live in interesting times!) and it’s been a blast. Mostly, I’ve looked on new experiences and changes as fun opportunities. Okay, so I grumble a bit before I start enjoying myself . . . that’s the nature of my inner beastie. Once I get into it, I’m usually smiling.

We just returned from the Oklahoma Writers Federation Inc. conference, their 45th! Our good friend and writing buddy, Patty Stith (also known as Claire Croxton), was the President and oversaw this year’s shindig. She did great, as did all those who worked so hard (and it is hard work, believe me) to make OWFI 45 a success. My congrats to all of you who helped.

Yes, Duke, but what does this have to do with people-watching?

This year the award for What Were They Thinking, the booby-prize given out each year by me (beginning this year!) goes to the unnamed gentleman who came to sell his wares for the modest sum of twenty thousand dollars. You read right. $20,000 US.

Yep, in a world where the average book sells less than 100 copies, netting that average author less than five hundred bucks, one gentleman offered to increase your sales because He Knew Important People. When asked why he was worth that much money, the answer was: because He Knew Important People. (Weren’t you listening the first time?)

Okay, let’s look at this from a different angle. Let’s assume Our Hero could actually deliver increased sales. How many books would you need to sell to pay back that $20k? If you make $5 royalty per book (pretty generous, the way I hear), it would only take you 4,000 extra sales to pay back your investment. According to Bill Platt, the average book from a publishing house sells less than 500 copies. (http://www.fictionfactor.com/guests/sellmore.html) Hey, that leaves us only 3,500 copies to go before we break even on his fee. If you’re self-publishing, maybe only 2,000 copies – just to pay for publicity.

If you really want to know how to publicize your book, there are many great resources out on the Internet. There’s even a book called “Publicize Your Book!” and another, “The Frugal Book Promoter.”

Sure, the “Who you know” adage works some of the time. But in these days of social media, you can get to know a gazillion people. Just look at Jan Morrill who recently shared a platform with George Takei as he accepted a signed copy of her book, “The Red Kimono.” Whod’a thunk?

So if you don’t have 20 grand looking for a new home, invest your time and passion in connecting with the “right” people – those who will love your book, talk about your book, encourage you to write more books, and accompany you on the ride to your dreams!

Pay $20,000 to have someone else develop those relationships instead of me? Well, of course that makes sense. I should have jumped on his bandwagon immediately.

What was I thinking?

Welcome to my very first blog post – all 3 of you – wherein I share my own warped sense of humor, justice, and absurdity culled from the long and winding road of my life. If you ask anyone who knows me, they’ll tell you that what I’m supposed to say is seldom what comes out. Sorry about that. I never did learn how to be “politically correct.” Oh, well. Poo occurs, I’ve been told.

Even though this blog is on our publishing site, it’s not really about writing. It’s about people. Do you like people? Do you like watching people? Man, I think it’s one of the most fascinating things I can do.

I used to be a cop. Lots of people-watching in that job. Sometimes I wanted to laugh, sometimes cry. Most times, I just shook my head in amazement. The STUFF that people do is, well, it’s just unbelievable.

Once upon a time, there was a high school that was having some “gang” problems. I drove to the school and waited in my unmarked car to observe. That’s what cops mostly do – observe. So I’m sitting there, trying to be unobtrusive, when a girl saunters over and leans in my window. She’s a friend of another officer on the department, and I’ve seen her a few times, so I know her name. Let’s call her “Susie.”

“Hi Duke! Whatcha doin’?”

Well, I can’t rightly tell her I’m on a stake-out, now can I?

“Oh, not much, Susie. Just hangin’ around, you know?”

“So why you hangin’ here?”

Did you ever notice how sometimes a teenager is like a bulldog? Just won’t leave a thing alone, and worries it like a bone?

“I just thought I’d check out the girls. Might be some cute ones I haven’t seen before.” There, that ought to shock her enough to make her back off.

“Oh. Okay, have fun girl-watching. See you.” And off she went.

Fast-forward a few days to Friday night. I’m on patrol. It’s a typical Friday night and 90% of the high school kids are cruising through town, shooting the loop. and trying to find each other. Nothing new. But when I drive by a parking lot, I get flagged over by – you guessed it – Susie. And she’s brought me a present.

“Hi Susie. What’s up?”

“Oh, not a lot. Hey, you remember when you were looking for some cute girls?”

“Yeah. Why? You got one?” You’ve got to keep these sharp kids off-balance, or they’ll make a fool of you in no time flat.

But Susie was a step ahead of me. A step? She was at least a full staircase in front. I’d asked if she had a cute girl with her. And she did. A fifteen-year-old who apparently wanted to improve student-police relations. I drove off, shaking my head.

It’s now a bunch of years later, and I still wonder what in the world was in those girls’ minds.

Do you ever see people doing something that makes you ask, “What are they thinking?”  Share with the rest of us?